Part 2 of the 2-part series.

From the moment we sat down with our coffees on that cool morning at Jimmy’s Kensington Market patio, I felt a sort of kinship with Lili Tran. Our families’ origin stories, while vastly different, resonated in ways perhaps only the children of immigrants can genuinely understand. Both our grandparents had general stores. We were both raised by our grandmother while our parents hustled to provide. Both our families immigrated more than once to create a better life for themselves and for their families.

“I just remember grandma had a couple of odd jobs, but she was basically my second mother. [She] raised me, my brothers, and my cousins, cooked all the family meals, while my grandfather, Mom and Dad, aunt and uncle were working jobs. They were working sometimes two or three jobs, opened Tap Phong...but from the time they woke up, I maybe saw my mom for like 15 minutes when she was making breakfast, which was cereal most of the time, but maybe a toast if we were lucky. Warm toast. And then just talking to us, getting us ready for school. And then, I wouldn't see her until maybe for about 15-20 minutes when she came back from work at around nine, put me to bed, and that was it for 20 plus years.”

Lili was the youngest of three children. Minh, the eldest, was studious and excelled in academia. Tuan, the middle child, was rebellious, with an active social life and devotion to martial arts that seldom kept him home. Lili was...well...the girl. “I was the youngest and the only girl. I was either at home, or I had to work at the store. That was my role. And it wasn't because they wanted me to work at the store, it was a way of just supervising me or chaperoning me.”

Being the youngest and the only girl in my family as well, I can attest that it’s indeed a fact that defines our identity and upbringing far more than it does our male counterparts. We were both brought up under the traditional Asian belief that girls were precious creatures in need of constant shelter and protection. As such, Lili grew up at Tap Phong and - unbeknownst to her at the time - this allowed her to develop a deep connection with the store that her siblings didn’t share.

“When I was going to school, I didn't know what I was going to do. I just knew that my parents wanted me to have an education and better myself, and my brothers [as well]. To have every opportunity. They didn't want their kids to struggle.”

While Lili’s parents stressed the importance of education, they didn’t pressure their children to pursue the stereotypical professions that would afford them parental bragging rights. Neither did they expect their children to take over the family business. Their wishes were simple: be good, stay out of trouble, and learn as much as you can.

Lili didn’t have a clear career path, but she had an affinity for social studies and enrolled at the University of Toronto with the assumption that a vocation would reveal itself in the process. However, after graduating with honours with a BA in History, she was no closer to knowing what she wanted to do. She had an interest in creative fields, so completed a design certificate at George Brown. Still, while she enjoyed design as a hobby, it still didn’t resonate with her as a career. 

“I felt bad because my parents, even though they didn't say anything, I just felt like I didn't want to disappoint. I didn't want to keep spending their money. And that was the thing; for parents who were just new to the country, the fact that they paid for education...I didn't have any student loans; they set me and my brothers up at such an advantage. [...] I wanted to contribute. That was my own pride. I want to contribute, because I see how hard they're working.”

After finishing her studies at George Brown, Lili worked at Tap Phong full time with the intention that it would be temporary. During her school years, she’d continued working at the store on weekends and through summers - a natural way for her to bide her time while she sorted out the next chapter of her life.

“It’s weird that the story is when I was younger I kind of thought: ‘Oh, God, I have to go to the store.’ Just being really resentful, to coming full circle - it's my lifeblood.”

Lili credits her brother Minh as the catalyst to the turning point that inspired her to see her role at Tap Phong as her true calling. “It was just my brother saying, ‘Listen, just give it a chance. Just think of it in a new way, like what you can add to it.’ And it was really just that simple conversation, where I shifted the gears of my mental thinking.”

With a fresh perspective, Lili began connecting more with customers, in turn developing an understanding for what she had to contribute. “And then as I grew, that's when I started building clientele. So I met people like Jen Agg, Grant van Gameren, Ian McGrenaghan, Colin Tooke...These were people that grew up with me. So while my parents had [their] generation of chefs, I grew up in that graduate school where I'm just seeing them and I'm getting to know them. They grew up with me in this sort of culinary adventure, and I think that's where I got my input.”

As she carved out her own place within the family business, Lili began making an impact that would further help the store ascend to local fame. She realized and savoured the gratification of seeing the fruits of her labour. She had found her purpose in what was in front of her all along. And as luck would have it, she would also find love there - Lili met her now-husband, a chef, at Tap Phong.

“Part of it was me wanting to be there because I want to change the conversation of what it is to be an immigrant.”

Lili also found a different sense of responsibility in representing Tap Phong. Being located in Chinatown, a destination for American tourists or any English-speaking out-of-towner for that matter, racially influenced backhanded compliments were an everyday occurrence. As many visual minorities can empathize, these ranged from inexplicable awe over her mastery of the English language, to sheer surprise in being treated with kindness. Lili wanted to defy these seemingly harmless, but profoundly derogatory assumptions that plague ethnic communities all too often.

“We are very talented, despite what you think. We have all the faculties that you guys have, and it just so happened that geographically we're in this ethnic community. [...]Toronto being such a spot of all these diverse communities coming in, and just seeing them, these people setting roots, different roots, and just wanting to see them excel and help. [...] When people looked at me when I was younger, and they just assumed that I would speak with a very thick accent...When I see someone, I try not to make any assumptions, because I know exactly how it feels.”

Embracing diversity is a virtue that runs deep among the Trans. In addition to their natural ability for building rapport with just about anyone, this is most noticeable in their proficiency in different languages. The Trans’ native dialect is Teochew, spoken in Guangdong where Lili’s great-grandfather is from; but over the years, they’ve learned a slew of different languages and dialects entirely by listening to their customers. “Depending on who they talk to, they could be on the phone, and it's Vietnamese. And then speak to someone and it's Mandarin, but then you're constantly having customers coming in and then asking questions. [...] So in the span of five minutes, my aunt and my mom could have three separate conversations in three different dialects.”

“My parents and my aunt and uncle, they recognize if we want to keep relevant in this time and just be part of the city fabric, you just have to evolve. [...] Life, city, everything, the people - the people change, and the only way to survive is to adapt.”

Gradually, Lili’s cousins - Andrew, Jessica, and Kevin - joined the family business and have become indispensable in their own right. During COVID, brother Minh - now a marketing consultant - has been temporarily lending his expertise in helping futureproof the business. With the third generation of Trans reaffirming their commitment to continuing the family legacy, changes by way of building the store’s digital infrastructure and amplifying their social media presence have been welcomed by their parents. 

While these changes will usher them into the future, it’s the lessons from the generation that came before them that will ensure that they continue to thrive. Recognizing the sacrifices, resilience, and experience of their elders, the younger generation embraces every opportunity to learn from them each day.

“When you're growing up as a kid, it's just mom. She's just there to support you. Seeing it through a grownup lens right now [...] it's just amazing how much she's accomplished. But she and my aunt wouldn't see that. Or just the fact that they’ve been through no formal education of their own - business training, going to school... Just the fact that they [...] intuitively just know how to change the business, allowing [themselves] to trust their kids to take it, to help them along the way, improving. They would see themselves like, ‘Oh, I'm just a worker,’ but they’re so much more than that. They are so accomplished. I'm surprised that they don't see that.”

“Some people would call it insanity. But you know, that's it: it's our insanity.”

While the Trans have hit their stride in incorporating new family members into the business throughout the years, tensions are not uncommon. Working with family - as anyone can imagine - comes with its own unique set of challenges.

“I would love to say that there's a difference between work and family sometimes. But, we’re in each other's pockets for sure. It's like a marriage. You know, deep down you love each other, but you don't even say one day you love them, one day you don’t. It's sometimes, one hour you like them, one hour, you probably wish to have some space from them. [...] It's never gonna be perfect, but deep down to the core, you understand whatever differences, ultimately the base of it is you love and respect them.”

In the end, it’s that respect, coupled with the strength of their love and commitment to each other that always prevails. Facing adversity as a family has undoubtedly fueled their passion to succeed, especially now more than ever. “When you hear about certain businesses during this time of COVID that have all of a sudden, in the span of a few months, shut down after a lifetime of work...Knock on wood, but we're the lucky ones that, so far, have been able to ride this out. And I'd love for us to continue to see the other end of it.”

“As long as they see value in wanting to work there, then it's right. They deserve it.”

As our parents have reached an age where their peers are slowing down and preparing for retirement, I ask Lili whether she’s had that conversation with her parents. After a lifetime of devotion to Tap Phong, of long days on their feet with little respite, they’ve certainly earned a chance to enjoy the fruits of their labour, to live the rest of their lives in blissful comfort. 

“A lot of people say enjoy life, but some people enjoy work,” says Lili.

She recalls when her parents had the same conversation with her grandfather, who refused to retire at the time. Now 94, Lili’s grandfather continued to visit the store regularly, up until only five years ago. “When my grandfather retired, he never stopped. He may have stopped working at the store, but him coming to Chinatown was still very important. He had to change his routine a bit, but keeping mobile and active, just to see a friend - it's also a social thing for them. Because the community, the store, Tap Phong, while it's been their workplace, it’s also their social network.”

Lili’s parents do think of retirement, of travelling the world and seeing relatives they haven’t seen in years. However, that time is unlikely to come anytime soon. It may be too soon to tell, but perhaps a fourth generation of Trans may join in before that time comes. Lili has two older nieces and a nephew who’d come to the store when visiting Chinatown. “I would get them to do what my parents used to do. ‘Okay, you're gonna cash out now.’ I'm standing behind them and for them, it's like playing. [...] And then ‘Press this button,’ and then ‘Okay, now, how much do you give them back?’ [...] Who knows if that memory will stick with them and if they want to [...] If they want to do it, then great. I'd love to help them, have them be part of the fabric. I'm sure they have great things that they can help contribute, but I'll nurture whatever dreams they have.”

There’s a magical power in finding purpose in your life’s work that we should be so lucky to know. Some believe that it’s the secret to a long and happy life. That it’s what sustains us and that, in truth, if we find that purpose, we should never let it go. When I see the beaming smiles on Anna, De, and Lili as they’ve welcomed me many times at their stations, there’s no doubt in my mind that they know that purpose. It’s a sentiment I’m sure that the rest of the family shares. 

After all, it’s not only that the Trans found purpose for themselves in Tap Phong, but that they’ve also found it in each other.

Words and photos by Kimberley Kwo.

click here for part 1